Central air mystery solved. It's not broken... it doesn't exist. We have central heat and a panel that controls central heat and could hypothetically control central air, if we had central air... but we don't.

We thought we did. That's why we gave away our window units when we moved into this place. But we don't. We were led to believe that we would, but it doesn't say anything about it our lease, so... we're screwed. We have to go out and buy several new window units.

But last night was one of those sweltering hot, we-just-have-to-figure-out-what-will-get-us-through-the-night kind of nights. The best we could come up with was using two small fans that Sarah had used as white noise machines, placed on the window sill. We scooted the bed over, and placed our heads directly under each tiny fan, making due with what minimal coolness they could muster.