Friday, December 18, 2009


Going back to Sunday for a moment, during the Christmas dinner with the guys, Hansen got Young (and all of us) a pretty wonderfully ridiculous gift.

He's had a long standing joke, mostly aimed at Young, to annoy him, that he's going to write a terrible sequel to 'The Lord of the Rings' called 'Return to Elf Island.'

And his gift? He wrote it. (Well, he's halfway through writing it)

Hansen: It'll be out in April. You'll all get hardbound copies. And I'm sending two copies to the Library of Congress so it'll be officially listed, and you'll be able to request a copy from any library in the country. Also, I think you'll be able to order it from Amazon and a copy will be made for you.

He brought the first chapter, for Young to read aloud over drinks before dinner. Here's an exclusive excerpt, the first paragraph of 'Return to Elf Island: The Endginning':

"The white boatship creaked, and its creaks were loud, creaking as it was through the thunderous waves and their slappy wavelings that surrounded the ivory boatship as truly an ocean surrounds a boatship as it sails. And this one was sailing. It contained passengers of legend who rode on it and in it, and on occasion, above it, with their possessions in luggage of leather -- several made of beastface -- the very skins of the faces of ferocious beasts -- and with enough foodstuffs to last the expected length of the journey. Six of your Earth weeks, if you must know. And now you do, Dearest Reader. . Every provision had been thought of: dragon shanks, to make one sluggish with satisfaction and magic; cloven-hooved-beastcheese, and various salmon. Barrels and casks and flasks and skins held a veritable encyclopaedia of the thirst-quenching arts: cloudwaters, curly-haired-baa-crying-beastmilks, lakemoists, riverwets, and wines. Many on-board games of jinxcards and spelljacks ended in riotous laughter brought on by these intoxicating elixirs of fruit, and water, and magic. "

Hansen: All of you appear as characters.
Meador: Our names appear in there?
Hansen: Well, you all have weird Tolkienesque pseudonyms.
Young: [laughing] What a weird crazy thing to do.
Martin: But pretty great.
Young: Great, sure, really great, but... it's such a weird thing to spend all this time on.
Me: I feel like this is going to lead to Hansen accidentally becoming a bestselling novelty book writer.
Hansen: Keep reading. Keep reading. You're almost to the part about how everybody's gay.

5 comments:

Rance Rizzutto said...

riverwets...I can't wait to read this book.

Jon said...

lakemoists. So, so great.

Anonymous said...

Party pooper here: It's been done

Sarah said...

I think 'encyclopaedia' is my favorite. I'm really hoping it wasn't just a typo.

Sarah

Hansen said...

It was not a typo -- although there were plenty of typos...